MEDICAL STUDENT

Flings, Marriages and Everything Inbetween

Jaachimma Oluwabunmi Nwagbara May 20, 2020

1 2 minutes read

Jaachimma Nwagbara
400-level Medicine & Surgery
University of Ibadan

I remember the day my friends and I came to yet another realisation that it was no coincidence that two of our consultants shared the same surname. I think it was that day we stopped counting the number of married doctors we knew.

I hear questions like ‘Why do doctors marry doctors?’ But what does one expect? It is 6-plus gruesome years with the same set of people who face the same challenges and celebrate collective wins. It is almost impossible to find other people who would understand the rigours, peaks and pits of medical school.

Nevertheless, a large pool of people may not make it to the stage of marriage. There are many phases that we may not see, from flings and situationships to relationships. I spoke to a couple of people at these different phases (of course, I have not experienced all of them first-hand).

FLINGS

“Do you ever want to have the benefits of a romantic partner without having to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that people make you go through? That is what flings are for. They are usually brief and everyone goes their way. How great is that?” – A

“You are attracted to someone and you know this person isn’t exactly right for you. That’s when you need a fling. It may not last forever but really, what does?” – B

SITUATIONSHIPS

“It is really hard to explain, even for the involved parties. You are literally stuck and you cannot exactly move forward or backwards. You genuinely care for each other but it seems it may never be enough to move forward. You don’t want to leave this person either. It is hard. As if medical school is not hard enough”. – C

“Situationships stem from unrequited love. It is one-sided and there is always that person who does not want to take it to the next level and so you have to wait for the person to be ready. But you really do not know how long you would have to wait. People would say you should leave this person but the heart really wants what it wants”. – D

RELATIONSHIPS

“It is great to make a commitment to one person. It is not always easy but it is great. You know that no matter what, there is that one person who is always there, not because you are the most amazing human being in the world but because of genuine love. This person completes you and makes you happy. Trust me, in medical school, you need all the happiness you can get”. – E

“You actually decide to pick one person out of the pool of human beings in medical school. It might seem impossible but one person is really all you need. There is always one person to cheer you on and share your pain. It is a beautiful thing for as long as it lasts”. – F

MARRIAGES

“When you have shared so much of yourself with someone else all through medical school and beyond, it is pretty difficult thinking about starting over with someone else again. There is no one else that really understands you as well; and with the demands of the practice, you would rather not start all over. So, you get married”. – G

“Career paths contribute a great deal in choosing a life partner. We are going in the same direction and that’s important. Who else would you really end up with in such situations?” – H

Consequent to further interactions with colleagues in the field, I came to the realisation that whether fling, situationship, relationship or marriage, having a romantic partner is beneficial in more ways than one as one navigates medical training. It may not be all-round bliss but it contributes meaningfully to life’s journey.