MEDICAL STUDENT

MB TALES (Based On True Events)

BASED ON TRUE EVENTS
TIWATOPE
VENUE: EKO HOTEL AND SUITES. DATE: 14 DAYS TO MB. TIME: 1 PM
“Tiwa, MB timetable is out” Daisy whispered in my ear.
True to her word, the date had been set – in two weeks’ time. Different thoughts flitted through my head at lightning-speed: How would I do it? How do I finish one and a half years’ worth of work in FOURTEEN DAYS? Lord, I have only read General Histology!!!! At that moment, though I had been taught in cardiovascular physiology that the heart was self-excitatory, my heart was beating at a rhythm and frequency that would have made ‘Young Jon, the wicked producer’ jealous.
Father, into thy hands, I commit my spirit.
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GBENGA
VENUE: ANATOMY READING ROOM (ARR). DATE: 8 DAYS TO MB. TIME: 8 PM
After one hour of unsuccessfully trying to force the pathway of cholesterol synthesis into my head, I decided to take a 5-minute break. Looking for a fellow sufferer in the misery that was medical school, I struck up a conversation with Jega.
“How far with jacking na?”I asked, looking forward to the litany of complaints that were sure to follow. Little did I know….
“Baba, thank God o. I’m almost done with everything sha. Just about half of neuroanatomy is left, then a quick revision of lower limb because I’ve forgotten it already.” He replied with a smile on his face
Heartbroken, I looked back towards my corner, where I was still struggling with 1st semester biochemistry.
I packed my books and went back to my room. Aall izz well.



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TIWATOPE
VENUE: ARR. DATE: 2 DAYS TO MB. TIME: 2AM
“How far, Ebere? Where are you going at this time?” I asked
“I’m going to the corridor jare. I’m already feeling sleepy inside here, at least the mosquitoes and cold won’t let me sleep outside” she replied
“Pele, love. Sha take care o” I said
One hour later, I decided to stretch my legs outside.
I saw Ebere, sprawled on the cold, hard ground, sleeping like she was on a water-bed.
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GBENGA
Venue: The Corridor, ARR. Date: The wee-hours of MB day (physiology). TIME: 4 hours to Physiology paper 1.
After going to answer the call of nature, I returned to my corridor-spot to find Kolade sited there
“K, what are you doing here?” I inquired
“I’m just feeling this your wallpaper o. It’s only stuffy ones like you that would use Wiggin’s chart as wallpaper. Do you know that Professor Olaleye said that if you are asked to describe the cardiac cycle, drawing this chart gives you half of the total marks?” he said(no 1 rule of med school: when they whyne you, counter-whyne with immediate alacrity)
“See ehn, I’ve not slept for the past 36 hours and I’ve not even touched cardiovascular physiology. If it comes out, it comes out and I would bang noni” I said with a shrug and false braggadocio.
On flipping my theory question sheet, I saw the second long essay question (about 20% of total theory marks) and my heart stopped.
“With the aid of a well-labelled diagram, discuss the cardiac cycle”
I immediately started calculating how much it would cost to buy a room in Zik Hall since it looked like I would be spending an extra year in pre-clinical school.



GBENGA
VENUE: ZIK HALL, UNIVERSITY OF IBADAN. DATE: 10 DAYS AFTER THE TRIBULATIONS (i.e. MB).
Going through my Whatsapp messages, I saw one on the class group chat that added years to my age and gray hairs to my hair.
“The delay in our results’ release is because biochemistry is not willing to buffer people (i.e. reduce the cutoff so as to increase the pass rate) because half of the class got below 50%.”
Considering the facts that my three biochemistry test scores were always ±5 from my shoe size (40-something) and that I missed the answer to my bio-medical statistics question, I knew I was part of the “unbufferables”
I quickly dialed my mother and god-mother to intensify their prayers as the Kogi-based witches were also intensifying efforts on my matter
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TIWATOPE
VENUE: Queens Idia Hall. TIME: 9 AM. DATE: 12 DAYS AFTER THE TRIBULATIONS
I woke up to three missed calls from mummy, two from daddy and two from my god-mother. I quickly called back, thinking something was wrong.
“Hello, mummy. I saw your calls, any problem?” I asked as politely as possible.
“Nothing o. I just wanted to ask about your results. Since you decided not to pick my calls, I told your dad and god-mother to call you too” she replied in characteristic African-mother style.
“Nooooooo, it’s not out o. The examiners haven’t done their meeting, that’s why” I asked
“OK o! Odabo” she cut the call.
Chai, what if I fail? There are a lot of people in line to kill me o.
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GBENGA
VENUE: REDEMPTION CAMP. DATE: TWO WEEKS AFTER THE TRIBULATIONS. TIME: 4PM
“Gbenga, have you checked your results? They’ve posted it on the group na” Joseph answered
“Father!” I shouted. “I haven’t o … bye bye, lemme quickly check it” my heart was thudding already.
Then the pictures decided not to download
“Brother Temi!!!” I shouted. “Please put on your hotspot, my results are out!”
For what seemed like 222 millennia, the photos downloaded and my eyes quickly scanned the ‘resit’ list. My name wasn’t there. “Ope o!” Moving on, I jumped to the ‘main’ list and saw my matric number there.
One long heartbeat later, it clicked…
I had passed! I had embarked on a 100m race before I realized that I was still shouting…
UCH, here I come….
Story told by Olorunfemi Christoffer Olaolu, a 300 level Medical Student at the University of Ibadan.

P. S. Click here to watch our YouTube video on why you shouldn’t study Medicine in the University.

Olaoluwa Christopher Olurunfemi

Olaoluwa is a medical student at the University of Ibadan, Nige- ria and also serves as the Gener- al Secretary of the University of Ibadan Medical Students Associ- ation. He has previously served as the Public Relations Officer (PRO), Special Duties Officer (Preclini- cals) and Editor-in-Chief (Preclin- ical) of the above named organ- isation, and as PRO of the 32nd Federation of African Medical Stu- dents Associations (FAMSA) Gen- eral Assembly and Scientific Con- ference. His love for community development leads him to volun- teer for various health out-reach- es within and outside Oyo State, Nigeria. He recently facilitated a massive awareness campaign to over twelve secondary schools in Ibadan, educating over 700 teen- ag-ers on the transmission and prevention of HIV/AIDS. As the past Administrator, Policy of The Panacea Project, he also coordi- nated a project which fed about 500 Internally Displaced children in Ibadan, Nigeria. He is passion- ate about environmental conser- vation, leadership/politics and child and maternity care.

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