400-level Medicine & Surgery
University of Ibadan
I have thought about this question quite a number of times, and I have also tried to imagine myself in the third person, through the lens of other people. Ostensibly, the most likely answer would be a yes, a hell yeah! Because, why not? We have both been through a similar hell. If anyone could be the most empathetic towards you, it would be someone who went through the same ordeals you did, right? Others could never really understand. No offence, but the most they can envisage may just barely scratch the surface.
On the other hand, two people living in a house working in the same field? Good god! I might as well be back in the hospital. “Wouldn’t that be boring?” I think to myself. “Where is the spice? Ugh, show me the magic, hello??? They say that what we don’t understand feels like magic. I’d probably want to be ‘wowed’ by him or her, to be mesmerized by my lover. Oh, yes, please!
Thanks to the lockdown, I pondered even more on the subject and decided to seek out public opinion. I put on my sneakers and donned my fanny pack ahead of the long walk through the streets of the Internet. It was quite an experience, I must say, and here are some of the feedback I garnered:
“Uhm, yeah, I think I can. I think doctors are actually the only ones who understand what doctors go through, both of you facing the same challenges and all. So, marriage will probably be a good thing, especially as a girl—he’ll understand that I can’t always be there to play wife”
“I can but it’s not my preferred route. I want someone with a different view on things—like, a different worldview”.
“I wasn’t interested in marrying a medical doctor before—the idea just didn’t sound pleasing. Now, I’m in love with a medical student. I have not allowed myself to worry too much about possible problems in the future ’cause I don’t want to start overthinking again. Problems like:
- What if we end up being really busy people and then there’s hardly any family time—little attention paid to the kids?
- What if he plans to practise in this country and I plan to practise elsewhere? Or what if we even plan to practise in the same country but, somehow, it doesn’t turn out well for one person and they have to start considering some other place?
- I might not even be busy; what if he is always busy? I am an ‘attention’ person—I love attention. I get that it is his job and I have to understand, but I really don’t know how I plan to deal”.
“I can but I’d prefer to marry someone with a less time-consuming profession. I’m going to be a doctor and I want to go far in the profession, but I also want to be a family woman. So, I need a partner that’ll be able to balance everything together. That’s what matters.”
- Stress: Both of us cannot be stressed out at the same time—who is going to destress the other?
- Time: Right now, I’m busy. In a few more years, I’ll be busier—I just don’t see how that is going to work out. If we are both busy, then what’s the point of being together? It’s almost like you’re single.
- Children: Someone has to take care of them. We have to reach a compromise and that, with two medical doctors… I am not going to specialize in something I have no interest in because I’m married and have children. His being in a different field would help soften the impact, though, and we could both chase our dreams without feeling regretful.
- Variety: I love variety—the same thing bores me (and this is coming from someone that loves structure). I want to engage in a different conversation—how will I come home to hear about blood and patients again? Ah! I want to learn something different from someone. I wish to see through a different perspective.
- Pampering, hehe.
- I don’t know how to put this one…about familiarity. Having someone familiar with your work could bring about contempt—the whole ‘What’s the big deal? I did it too’ and all those silly and infuriating comments. I don’t want that. If you’re supporting me, support me; don’t downplay my work”
These are just a few in the multitude of doctors and potentials out there, but you get somewhat of a general idea here. The quest for a life partner should not be taken lightly. Aspire to understand yourself and know your preference, because 50+ years with one person? Ọmọ. So ask yourself today, or tomorrow, if you’re a procrastinator like me, would you marry a fellow medical doctor? Why?
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