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One of the hardest experiences a person could ever possibly come to terms with is abandonment by a parent – father or mother. I know this for a fact, because it’s a pain I know too well. I’ve been there (many have been of the opinion that it’s not something I should talk about; however, I won’t stop talking about it, because I think it’s right to let people know and remind them to be conscious of taking care when they make a promise to another’s heart, to take heed that they don’t start a cycle of damnation for persons whose only crime was loving them. It’s an unspeakably hard thing to bear.
However, as hard and as hurtful as it may be, you must not in a bid to fight a monster become a monster yourself (I mean, don’t recreate that which caused you pain, in yourself). You’ve got to wake up to the reality of the fact that what has happened has happened, but there’s a whole future ahead of you that you can’t afford to mess up in your grief. It’s the first step to healing. Maybe in another life you could ask for a sweeter experience, but this is what you have. However sad it is, it’s the truth you must accept.
Ponder this carefully – I don’t think there’s a father out there who on the day his child was born, looked the child in the eye and said, “I’ll make sure your life is a living hell”. I mean, something must have gone wrong somewhere, no matter how unjustifiable it may be. Could it possibly be that it’s an overflow of the hate brought about by the love he didn’t get from his own dad? Could it be that you’re just the collateral damage from irreconcilable differences between supposed spouses? Is it a case of someone losing rationality and the courage to stay back and make things work because of the financial challenges he’s had that continually made him feel incapacitated? Or maybe he wanted a boy and you happened to be a girl – which isn’t something to regret or be sad about; it doesn’t, in any way, make you less human after all.
Nonetheless, would you then let the failings of another deny you all the beauties your life could bring? Is it possible that if they knew better they’d have done better? Instead of blaming, hating and hurting, which in truth, you have a right to, why not turn your thoughts towards healing, positive growth, and rewriting your story for good?



It’s an unthinkable thing sometimes, the idea of forgiving one who has caused you such grave sorrows, but it’s still really the best you could do. Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget the hurt and all the pains; it doesn’t mean justice is no longer required for it is in the very nature of the human ‘heart’ to crave justice – it’s how we’re engineered. ‘Forgiving’ here would mean not put yourself in the position of seeing that justice, or your version of it, is done; because, in the actual sense, would ‘justice’ in this case really help you find peace, balance, or undo the hurt?
Again I say, you can’t afford to make your life a mess because of another’s failings. Let go of what you think should have been; quit asking yourself if it’s what you deserved, and go for the life you dream of. You really don’t have to go on blaming and hurting when you could ‘heal and achieve’.
In your quest to become a doctor, you would need to heal injuries that may not be physical – see to it that you do not end up letting the hurt you feel deny you any of all the empathy you’ll need; that you don’t wallow in self pity and regrets and thus fail in places (tests and exams) you should have soared.
And above all, see to it that you do not let all the love and care you may have been denied make you forget that if (or when) you start a family, it’s your ultimate responsibility to be there for them and love them, in spite of the odds. Always remember the vows you made, and honour them – for it is the promise that keeps the love and not the other way round.